fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
