What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
