I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
