Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
