i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
