i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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