: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
