PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
