never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
