I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
