I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
