your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
