none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
