You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize