it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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