did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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