My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
