1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
