I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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