Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize