one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we're making bets on your personal life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think I have vodka in my lungs
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
