am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize