I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
