My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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