So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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