I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
