He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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