I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
