his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
