OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There was a lot of him and a little penis
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
