Only a mothe r could love this liver
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize