you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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