we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
false alarm, still single
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