So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
