I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
