yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
