Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
