So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
