I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
