I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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