dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize