Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
