does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
