I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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