don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
