i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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