u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
