I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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