Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
