My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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