I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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