I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
