You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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