I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
