Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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