First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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