She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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