buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
