I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
