So drunk, too bad you don't want this
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize