I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i came on her dog
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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