Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
