I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
