am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
