If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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