At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
