if i can run in heels then i can drive
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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