My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
