I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize